December 2002 Newsletter
Online Issue # 2
In this Issue:
See also, the print-friendly version of
this newsletter (all the articles are on one web page).
Look for the next issue in April.
The Front Page
Those Deep-Swimming Longings
Like many of you my thoughts in late November turn to the past
year while anticipating the one to come. I mentally click through
the highlights noting what I’ve accomplished, what I haven’t
and what STILL needs to be done. Even while performing this brisk
mental ritual, I’m aware of a less accessible process that
also calls for my attention. But what is it? How do I go there?
And do I dare? Other thoughts swimming within my being wait to be
called up and recognized in a deserving, reverent, loving way. Will
I notice? Will I find a way? Will I take the time?
There is a quality of sadness surrounding these other thoughts.
They seem to come from deep within me, a place I know but easily
forget. They seem so pure, so true, so powerful. And although they
desire my attention, they do not demand. It’s my choice. I
can stop and pay attention to this presence within, or I can busy
myself in dozens of things, hundreds of things, that shout at me
with dramatic urgency. Or I can choose to stop.
When I do stop, finally, there is nothing to say. There are no
questions to ask or answer. No lists to generate or evaluate. No
projects to envision, organize or review. Candles help; they create
a soft, gentle darkness where I feel less exposed. I settle in awkwardly,
like a friend who has been too long absent. But here I am, and what
was this about? Oh yes; you just wanted to be with me, have me sit
here and stop all else. I feel estranged, and yet I melt.
The thoughts and images swimming within grow calm, encircling me
once they realize what has happened. I’ve heard their whispered
calling and I’ve come. It dawns on me they don’t want
to talk, scold, praise or say anything. They just want to be with
me again, be one with me. And so I sit alone, in the light of the
candles, silent without and within. I stop resisting. I sit with
my own true self, absorbing her divine presence and her infinite,
caring knowing for who I am and who I am yet becoming. In this moment,
I feel the love for me, and from me; it is enough. I am finally
enough.
This is a busy time of year and there are things to do. Lots of
things! But this is also the season of long nights and candles.
So when you hear the voice of your own inner longings whispering
to you, wanting to be with you, give yourself their gift. Stop.
Turn down the noise and the bright lights; find a candle. Sit and
wait with yourself, for yourself. Then in the quiet that surrounds
you, remember this - - you are enough. It’s not about what
you do or don’t do. It’s about you.
And when you, too soon, return to your everyday activities, let
those deep-swimming longings of your own heart lead the way. Keep
them close. Listen to their whispered prompting and their wisdom.
Trust them like you would your finest, truest self.
I offer you this affirming thought for your New Year:
I am finally willing to believe I am enough.
In all my choices
I honor the Amazing Creation I have always been.
I dare to live - -
Guided by my inner wisdom,
True to my own knowing.
I am enough and I always will be.
With gratitude,
Laurie Mattila
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