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August 2003 Newsletter
Online Issue # 4
Profile of Constance Saunders:
• Life Is
Art
“I hardly recognize the dream
now cracked
rooted
sprouted.”
from the poem “Fourteen Days Into My Dream”
by Constance Saunders
"There comes a time when holding oneself tightly in a bud
is more painful than opening." This rephrase of Anais Nin has
been taped to my bathroom mirror for two years. The pain of keeping
my creativity wrapped inside, while I attended to real-world issues
of earning a living, became unbearable last October. It was time
to support myself with my art - whatever that meant. I thought letting
go of a steady paycheck and good health insurance coverage was going
to be the hard part. In reality, it was easy compared with maintaining
the self-directed spirit needed to be a working artist.
My mother wrote in my baby book when I was two-and-a-half that
she believed I was going to be an artist because I was always drawing
on the front room window with my finger. An artistic bent has permeated
my life - I've expressed myself with drawing, pottery, writing,
weaving, quilting, sewing, crocheting, knitting and spinning. Sewing
my own clothes has been the one constant source of expression -
all the way back to learning to sew a straight seam to the rhythmic
motion of mom's treadle machine. All the other art and craft activities
entered and exited my life on cue, though at times I felt that I
could never carry an idea through to completion. I built on my college
art minor with drawing classes as time allowed. In pottery, I used
the clay body as a canvas and painted songbirds and cranes using
my own glaze formulas. Messy and breakable pottery gave way to weaving
scarves and blankets that could warm friends' babies. I crocheted
a veritable blizzard of snowflakes and knitted enough socks for
the whole family - literally.
But I have only so many windows to decorate with snowflakes, and
socks wear out, so while I was exploring the intricate designs of
nine-patch quilts - and cursing the inartistic need to sew EVERY
seam so very straight - I learned to create landscapes on the sewing
machine from photos. Tacking down tiny collage pieces left me cold,
so I decided to sew the entire picture with threadwork. Years of
sewing experience merged with an innate ability to transfer images
by eye-hand coordination, giving birth to my own unique art form.
"I've never seen anything like it!" exclaim family, friends
and strangers who stare in amazement that I create whole pictures
in thread which look like paintings from a distance. I am blessed.
Sometimes my belief in my artistic abilities is not as strong as
my mother's. When the voices shouting, "What do you think you're
doing being an artist?" become too loud to ignore, I recall
how I figured out all the details of traveling alone to Italy in
1997 to study weaving for a month. On my departure day an overwhelming
panic seized me as I was leaving the house for the airport: "What
do you think you're doing going to a FOREIGN COUNTRY ALL ALONE for
five weeks?" My son Erik's confident, "You'll be fine,
Mom." helped repack my self-confidence, and off I went. I lived
with an Italian woman who spoke no English, and I knew virtually
no Italian! I boldly fulfilled a dream and "mighty forces came
to my aid". Since I had no idea what I was doing several times
a day, I had to stay alert to my instinctual voice within. As long
as I asked questions, and kept being willing to risk walking in
the unknown, I received information to figure things out. The experience
was so successful that I've traveled alone two more times to Florence
to study at the same art school.
As long as I continue to risk walking in the unknown - that is
the key. As long as I continue to open myself to my art, the tight
bud opens. I stretch to find new avenues to sell my art, people
to contact who lead me to other contacts, and confidence to take
the next step. In January I sent a letter, with the help of a friend
experienced in marketing, to interior designers with a sample print
of one of my Thread Impressions of the Temperance River. I, the
former Tupperware and Avon dealer who found it difficult to approach
others to make a sale, now found myself making cold calls: "Hi!
I'm an artist who sews thread on hand-painted silk. Could I send
you a copy of my work? Good. To whom shall I address the print?"
Who was saying these things? The next week, I'd call back
each designer and ask to meet and show my originals. A twenty percent
response to meet with thirteen designers seemed small to me, but
in the marketing world this is very good. I had assumed that no
one at Gabberts, an exclusive furniture and design studio, would
want to talk with me, so I initially skipped their listing in the
phone book. When I finally stepped past my censors and made the
call, the Executive Director became a valuable source of information
and feedback. As long as I continue to risk walking in the unknown....
I felt like a one-year old learning to walk as I said feebly at
first, then boldly, "Yes, I am an artist." Claiming myself
as an artist took many years; I preferred to call myself a "part-time
artist." Claiming myself as an artist has led me past desiring,
to the next step of actually following my heart's desire. True,
the self-directed path looks and feels different than I had imagined.
And the streets of Florence looked different than any photos - sometimes
better, sometimes disappointing.
I have worked harder in the past six months than ever before, yet
I struggle with internal voices chiding me for not making a living
with my art. Though I am selling pieces slowly, it is not a steady
source of income. I strive to listen to the message from my mother
that I recently taped to my bathroom mirror: "I believe Connie
will be an artist." I need to continue making Thread Impressions
and marketing them, both time-consuming activities. As long as I
continue to risk walking in the unknown, I will turn the spirit
of opening myself to my art into my reality.
Thread Impression of the Temperance River
© Copyright 2003, Constance Saunders
Editor's Note: If you would like to contact Constance about
Thread Impressions and where you can view or purchase her art, please
e-mail her at viaboito@usfamily.net
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