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This is the print-friendly version of the April 2005 Newsletter
- Online Issue # 9
April 2005 Newsletter
Online Issue # 9
In this Issue:
See also, the print-friendly version of
this newsletter (all the articles are on one web page).
Look for the next issue in August.
The Front Page
Enough Already
In my kitchen, on the green bookshelf, sits an old copy of the More-with-Less Cookbook. I've owned it since I lived in Duluth, MN and bought it from the Co-Op on the hill sometime in the 1970's. I use it for one recipe, Basic Baked Beans, and I like to make them the slow cook way, although I've used the quick soak method in a rush.
I would never think of parting with this book that I think of more as a mantra than a cookbook. It's the title I love and need to keep in the heart of my home and in the heart of my life—more with less.
Right now, sitting in my room at home working on the computer, looking out three south facing windows at undisturbed newly fallen late March snow, I look past the accumulation of stuff that I have collected or created, plus the stuff I am working on, will be working on, or need to be working on. There is stuff to find a home for, stuff to be decided, stuff everywhere. It's so much messier than my dream: a clear expansive work space with my friendly iMac waiting for me, a fresh legal pad and pen available off to the side if I need it, my little black phone that won't call out but still conveniently allows me to answer upstairs, the funky green lamp that lights my table at night and on gray days. Even that's a lot. But then there's all the other stuff.
There's the bird-shaped stone that looks like speckled snakeskin, the tightly curled scrap of birch bark found on a Lake Superior shore years ago, the mysterious pink fish greeting card that I like to ponder, the bright yellow Colman's Mustard tin containing paper clips, one of the lovely cases for my reading glasses that my sister made for me. I feel like a BEFORE picture in an organizing magazine makeover. I can even hear the clarifying questions I need to ask myself: Do I love this stuff on my worktable and in my life? Do I need it to be here in my work area now? What of all this helps me? What hinders me? And my favorite question—If I was beginning over would I bring this into my life and my room today?
Truthfully, I don't know. So I repeat the phrase, "Be here now." With all my stuff? Yes, even with all my stuff.
The truth I do know is that I have all the essential stuff I need for what I want and need to do, but on top of that I have all this other stuff I've been describing, and then there's all the unseen and "unseeable" stuff I haven't even mentioned. It's the unseen corollary of my truth that prompts me to remember and admit: a part of me still feels afraid I won't have enough or won't have what is truly needed. In my counseling work and in my groups, just as in life, anything is possible. And aren't we supposed to always be prepared?
I'm no longer thinking about the tangible objects I just listed and described, my thoughts have moved on and zeroed in on the qualities of wisdom, compassion, acceptance, discernment, knowing. For me the holy fear is about both my willingness and my ability to show up, to be and remain fully present and true, regardless of what arises.
In order to do what I do as a career counselor, and what I do in small listen-writing groups, here's what I need: one table (mine is plum-purple), one chair for each person who shows up (mine are bright pink), and the commitment to be present as fully as I am able throughout the process. It's not possible to bring all the answers for all the questions that might be asked, and it's certainly not possible to know all the remedies for each fear, longing, disappointment, confusion or frustration that might be voiced. Nor is it possible to reveal all the steps that will lead to a life lived more fully or more happily. Admitting that, showing up and being present might seem like a rather pathetic offering, given the magnitude and importance of what brings people to the table. And yet, it is what I am called to be and do: to listen and to trust what I hear.
So I choose to show up offering my complete and undivided attention, so that others can show up and give themselves their complete wholehearted attention, and in doing that remember what their lives want and need to be about, now. Together we witness the voicing and the hearing, and honor the string of self-revealing experimental steps that have already begun, steps that continue to unravel themselves so that something new can be created from the priceless materials of their lives. It's not unlike the transforming work of undoing an abandoned knitting project to make a pair of socks or a scarf or a child's sweater, something useful, now. And loving the new doing and the new result, while valuing the original yarn.
It's taken me years to have the courage and the wisdom to know when to let go of the truly good and helpful stuff, the professional tools and techniques that can also be a protective barrier between my real listening work and another's real heart of pain and passion. Exercises, inventories, handouts, resources, books and questions all have their rightful place and perfect use. But for me, learning to release my fearful hold on all this stuff is to dare to show up empty, willing to enter and fully occupy the sacred space of the table and the chairs, and hear the human heart that is longing to voice itself and find its true way home.
Always remembering that the heart knows its own truth, but it needs a listening, trusting place to be believed. It longs for the next step to be a true step, not a perfect step. The heart asks for very little, but like some basic recipes, it also asks for no substitutions.
With gratitude,
Laurie Mattila
Good Books
Soulcraft
Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche
by Bill Plotkin
New World Library, 2003
paperback, $15.95
Plotkin is a depth psychologist, ecotherapist and the founder of an organization that offers "nature-based soul-initiation" programs, in which all the forces of the natural world freely and synchronistically guide and inform the soul's development.
Soulcraft reads like an adventure travelogue—an incredibly fascinating account of the inner/outer wilderness journey. Coverage is both in-depth and integrated across disciplines. Throughout the book Plotkin illuminates with poetry, dreams, myths, and engaging stories from the lives of participants on actual soulcraft journeys. There are ideas for journal work, imagery, rituals and more. The book also includes an excellent index which readers will find helpful, since this is such a comprehensive resource.
Soulcraft opens a way for readers to once again participate in the original, ongoing dialogue between the human soul and the natural world that has always been its home.
"The call to adventure is the prologue to the journey of descent. The call comes when it's time to inherit a greater life, to plunge yourself into the limitless expanse and depth the world affords. This is both a crisis and an unsurpassed opportunity. The old way of life has been outgrown. The familiar goals, attitudes, and patterns of relationships no longer fit your developing sense of who you truly are. The time has arrived to step over a threshold into a whole new way of being."
-Bill Plotkin
The Exquisite Risk
Daring to Live An Authentic Life
by Mark Nepo
Harmony Books, 2005
hardcover, $21.00
Mark Nepo is a poet, a teller of stories (both his own and those of others), a teacher of poetry and spirituality, a survivor of cancer, and a gifted writer. All this helps to make his latest book a fitting and inspiring companion to consider the living of your own life.
Listen to a few of the chapter titles from the table of contents: Holding Nothing Back, Steering Our Way To Center, The Struggle To Be Real, Going Beyond, and How Can We Go There Together? In truth, almost every chapter of The Exquisite Risk feels like an invitation to stop doing; each offers a quiet conversation, an opening to consider something of worth, a way to question or to remember, a moment to savor life's sweet imperfection.
Nepo's text is lovely, often dreamlike and poetic, as though it was written to secretly speak to some far region of your being, a place that can't be accessed directly. Poems often manage to find their way there, and so will passages from The Exquisite Risk.
"This is the purpose of faith: to believe that this current is there even though we can't see it. And this is the purpose of will: to correct our inevitable drifting with a paddle here and a paddle there, not trying to do it all ourselves, but trying to restore our native position in the ancient and immediate current so it can carry us into tomorrow... With discernment but without judgment, the human journey is one of steering ourselves back to center over and over."
-Mark Nepo
If The Buddha Got Stuck
A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path
by Charlotte Kasl
Penguin Books, 2005
paperback, $13.00
If you've ever been really stuck or if you're stuck right now, you'll appreciate this small, thoughtful book by Charlotte Kasl. In both the Introduction and the Afterword, Kasl writes reassuringly about being stuck herself; she even got stuck writing this book about getting unstuck.
Kasl hasn't taken a quick fix or surface approach to helping readers get unstuck. She begins by examining traits of people who are stuck and traits of people who generally remain unstuck. Then she asks readers to delve deeply into old, ineffective patterns of living and relating to themselves and the world. If all you want is to get unstuck right now, and painlessly, this book probably won't rescue you. But if you want to understand what is happening and what you're doing to both help and hinder yourself, and if you want to change things for the future as well as for now, then you've found a valuable resource.
Kasl structures the book around a seven-step process: Feel your longing - Notice where you're stuck, Show up, Pay attention, Live in reality - Listen to your truths, Connect with others - Connect with life, Move from thought to action, and Let go. As a practicing psychotherapist, Kasl includes valuable insights from her work and many helpful stories to illustrate the process of becoming both stuck and unstuck. She follows most chapters with several exercises / questions for readers to use to personally explore the concepts.
Throughout the book Kasl introduces Buddhist spiritual teachings that offer alternative ways of thinking and behaving—options that support the letting go of fear and attachment, two key ingredients in remaining stuck.
"We leap into knowing and not knowing all at once. If you sense a possibility but want all the details and guarantees of "success" in place before moving forward, you may never move to action. You often have to take a first step before the next one presents itself. You break free when you take a step, any step, and see what happens.
This doesn't mean you are passively blown around by whims or external events; rather, you listen with all of your being and follow where you are called. It's about dedication and a deep desire to be who you truly are."
-Charlotte Kasl
Profile of Hugh
e-mail: Last Week's Downsizing Recap
Dear Friends,
I wanted to record this past week and share my current frame. I thought I would share a downsizing with a little edge and observations from a slightly bent yokum. I give thanks for your support in ways not always spoken, nor seen.
My story begins Tuesday the 1st of February where upon entering the workplace I discovered a good friend's cube vacant. He departed two hours prior to my arrival and in the next moment I was greeted by the VP and my manager with an invitation to "come into the conference room for a minute." The senior VP had announced ten days prior that there was not enough work to keep everyone and the day of discovery was coming. He was not going to hide the truth of the inevitable any longer.
"It was a hard decision Hugh," dropped from the lips of the VP with as much compassion and belief as a turnip in the produce section. After the rest of the encouragement encounter with them and then the enhancement experience with the human resource rep, I was escorted out by my manager. Nineteen years of service finished in a few minutes of blur. Walking with my escort down the lower level corridor tunnel to the lobby, I turned and faced my former manager and told her, "I was glad to be part of the Magnificent Seven." It was hard; a shock to the system knowing I will no longer retreat to my cage with bullet resistant glass and be a millionaire by day, peddling money and food stamps, doling out the new state quarters, and conducting other financial matters of importance. Ever so mildly linking my identity to what I had done rather than who I am, I am thankful for change.
It was good walking across the Hennepin Avenue bridge over the Mississippi River Tuesday morning after the escort to the riverbank - with a teardrop about to flow, yet I knew I was glad to be done and over, with my high finance career behind me.
I got in touch with family to relay the news and my next memory was being with my brothers and going shopping at the local mall. We started at TJ Maxx and concluded at Lands' End Inlet, all making a clothing purchase. I guess you could say we did the girlie thing - and went shopping. It was good having my sensitive brothers present and then on to chow with pizza and beer. I even got to keep the leftovers, but only because neither of them nor their families would care for a balsamic vinegar combo pizza with veggies (yum, yum! - we tried something new). My older brother stayed overnight at my place as he had work in the cities the next day.
Both brothers asked what I had planned for Wednesday. I mentioned some home improvements beginning with replacing the galvanized plumbing in the basement with copper with the assistance of another friend. Well, my brother had other priorities for me and called me shortly after leaving, telling me to call this guy about a job that I would enjoy and be a good fit. Guess my brother didn't want me sitting around feeling sorry for myself, wallowing in pity; no, here's a great opportunity. So I followed up and interviewed, describing my degree in Marketing Education as one that can be described as emphasizing the importance of "staying in school and selling people of it's import."
I did not have any idea I would start work the next morning (Thursday - 48 hours after downsizing). I am in maintenance and assist in numerous other capacities including IT and purchasing for an engineering/architecture firm I had not heard of till Wednesday morning. They celebrate their fifty years anniversary this summer and have given me tremendous flexibility for other interviews and needs as desired. I rejoice, give thanks to the Lord for His provision and look forward to any and all tasks ahead - big and bigger (as Shaq would say).
Thank you for the encouragement and support, it is much appreciated on a moment by moment basis. I look forward to hearing your voice and catching up in the hopefully not too distant future.
update: The Blue Moon and Dumpster
I thought I would give you an update on my first Monday of work outside the business world. I took a two and a half hour lunch with the same brothers as last week. The Blue Moon Buffet beckoned us and we celebrated the year of the chicken/rooster. Both brothers gleefully smiled at each other as they peered at me asking, "Who's buyin?" Figure that one out!
After work, I was motivated enough to go to my health club, the first time since joining in early December. It felt great doing five rotations on a wintry 15 degree night in Minnesota - two trips to the sauna, in between the three in the whirlpool. Boy, what a place! I gotta get out more often.
On with my unfolding and ever increasingly exciting journey of how the Lord provides in ALL circumstances. During the lunch conversation with my brothers, Mark and Paul, mention was made of my home front being a pigsty. It was suggested that I contact a disposal service and have a huge unit put in front of my house. Believing I would not be able to discard treasures I discovered at estate sales and online purchases over eBay and Amazon, my brother, Paul, suggested I hire someone for the job. I pleaded my case and agreed with him under one condition: That being, I had till April Fools Day, whereupon, they could inspect.
So, meanwhile, I am enjoying the many ways one has of getting rid of refuse in others eyes. It is fun rediscovering the who, where and what of the wide array of buried treasure collected in the past - so many memories associated with my stash of art, music, science, old, young, furniture, photos, etc. The list is long at this point but, just like eating an elephant, one that is attainable, "One bite at a time." It is exciting determining if my workplace or house of worship or other friend or place might have use or storage for - whatever. I have 45 days remaining on the oral dumpster agreement, not binding, yet a compelling challenge.
I plan to travel to Duluth, MN this weekend with a good friend and relax and enjoy the scenery of God's country. I don't think I am going to tell my brother, Paul; he doesn't need to know anyway. This lunch agreement was on the 7th of February and I have just begun to scratch the tip of the iceberg - yet don't believe the Titanic will go down this time.
Again, I give thanks in ALL circumstances and things happening, especially for friends and time spent with them on the weekend. I attended a friend's funeral Saturday, and attended two fund raisers and heard some of the most talented youth outside of Lake Wobegon.
"...Perfect in beauty, God shines forth." Psalm 50:2 NIV
update: Big Dog's Closing
Approaching the end of February, I was given the opportunity to interview with my previous employer. I liked the interviewer and her upfront and honest approach. At the conclusion of the interview, I said I only had two requirements in accepting the position. Doubting they would be honored, I stated first, I would only work two days a week, not full time, as I liked my current employer. Second, I could not receive an offer till after my seven week's vacation/severance deadline had passed, meaning I would start anew from ground zero with no seniority and no credit for years of service. I wanted the bonus check and I wanted not to return to a mediocre position in a cube or office of insignificance.
I had fun both before and after the interview, as I had a two hour rotating lunch with about twenty different friends in the cafeteria. After the interview was over, I went to the public affairs department and obtained a periodical featuring the Nobel prize winner in Economics. He worked in the same building as I used to, so I figured I would get his John Hancock along side his photograph. After interrupting him while in a meeting with a colleague, I asked for his autograph, but the topper was the salutation I requested - "To the Big Dog." It was fun departing that day with barks and calls of "the bank needs you..."
I really look forward to the future and I am doing O.K. The Lord has been gracious and is where I find rest and comfort. I have learned that my faith is paramount, my calling is focused, and life is a journey, not always easy. Yet, I still know that "All things work together for good."
Another thing I have learned is the importance of family, friends and community; a relationship with a family of worship and of substance is vital. When I first let friends know I was downsized, the next day one friend asked how I was doing financially and if I needed any assistance. I give thanks for the friends I regularly meet, and for my two brothers that check up on me. Life for me is "Incredibly and Wonderfully Beautiful" to roll three of my favorite movies into one title.
I will continue to journal and record my stories and look forward to telling of my recent trip to St. Louis. While there I was offered a job in Springfield, Missouri. I also went up the Arch (gateway to the West), drank beer at the Anheuser-Busch plant, toured the Missouri Botanical Garden and took nearly 200 photos of an orchid show.
Another thing I know about my future is the uncertainty. Examine your priorities and values. Life is extremely short. We live and breathe but a fleeting minute. In order to live life to the fullest I believe it starts in the beginning, acknowledging myself to be created before the Creator. Enough preaching!
I thank you for investing the time and energy to read another pilgrim's journey and wish nothing but the best to you as you press onward. May the Lord be with you and comfort as none other.
Your friend,
Hugh
© April 2005
Upcoming Calendar:
Discovery Writing: Creating A FutureSM
For NEW Students:
Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
This six-session class uses process writing as a way to explore what you truly desire; it is also a path to follow in creating your future.
Spring Schedule 2005
Wednesday mornings ( 10:00 a.m. - Noon )
April 13, 20, 27 May 4, 11, 18
Thursday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
April 14, 21, 28 May 5, 12, 19
Summer 2005
No classes will begin this summer.
Fall Schedule 2005
Saturday mornings ( 9:00 - 11:00 a.m. )
September 24 October 8, 22 November 5, 19 December 3
Tuesday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
September 27 October 11, 25 November 8, 22 December 6
View the online flyer to learn more about Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
For FORMER Students:
2005 Discovery Writing Weekend Retreat for Women
The 9th annual Discovery Writing fall retreat is scheduled for the weekend of October 14-16 at StoneyWoods Retreat Center. Invitations will be mailed in late August to all of the women who have taken Discovery Writing classes over the years. If you hope to join us for the fall retreat, please pencil the dates on your calendar now.
About the Newsletter
This newsletter is created several times a year for my clients
and students, and anyone else interested in listening to and trusting
their own deep knowing. It is designed to support your process of
discovery and growth, and to bring you up-to-date about my practice.
It offers encouragement, guidance and resources for you.
You will find new issues posted on my website in the months of
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