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This is the print-friendly version of the April 2008 Newsletter -
Online Issue # 18
April 2008 Newsletter
Online Issue # 18
In this Issue:
See also, the print-friendly version of this newsletter (all the articles are on one web page).
Look for the next issue in August.
The Front Page
After the Leap
With the return of spring many of us experience an infusion of welcome energy and the recurring thought to begin something new. This also happens in the fall when “back to school” sales appear everywhere, and at the New Year when the slate is wiped clean. It can happen too around the anniversary of significant events: a 40th, 50th, 60th... birthday, the ending of a relationship, a life-changing decision, a health crisis, or retirement. But a spring beginning is special; all around us the natural world is reawakening with contagious energy. Daylight hours lengthen, temperatures climb, colors return to the landscape, and enchanting birdsongs and sweet blossoms fill the air. Here in the Midwest, the cold and dark, so suited to hibernating and brooding, release their hold on us. A powerful convergence of inner and outer energies moves us.
Beginning something new can be fun, some might say the most fun of all. Although we work long and hard, it doesn't feel like work; it's more like love. We are intensely focused, motivated, engaged, and energized by what we are doing. We become mindful to the point that time is no more. Our imagination and our will enter a collaborative, self-feeding loop. There is a rare quality of seamlessness to our being and doing, often sought by spiritual seekers. Like happiness and the illusive butterfly, this seamlessness arrives as a byproduct of connecting to all that is whole, within and without.
This wonderful phase, beginning, is one of life's best medicines, reminding us that good work heals. All is potential, and so much more feels possible; we no longer dwell in doubt and fear. Our hearts connect with something that sends us scampering to the highest peak we can reach, where we adore the view, throw out our arms, and leap into the unknown, thinking or shouting “THIS IS IT!” Innocently, we imagine our leap to be a one-time occurrence—a grand finale after which we live happily ever after.
This leap is about as far into the creation process as many of us get. We soon regain full awareness that we've survived the leap and the landing, but circumstances haven't changed all that much. There is still much work to do, and some of it now feels overwhelming, time consuming, and difficult. It's not that the leap didn't matter; it did. Leaping marks a critical event—beginning—in the process of creating, but projects always stretch beyond.
After the leap, what needs to happen next depends on the person and the project, but it usually involves a series of deliberate choices: the choice to take a welcome break, to clarify what has happened so far, to consider what hasn't worked as expected, to ask for and receive helpful advice, to tweak things a bit, to return to the idea board, to try something else entirely, and always the choice of whether or not to continue. What often happens next is an unconscious choice to play it safe and cut our losses, to walk away from the mess and hope to get it right next time. We don't often consciously choose to stop or head off in another direction, which are completely valid options; it's more like we fail to show up anymore and hope no one notices. We go invisible as another beginning fades away.
The progression from a pregnant beginning to a non ending can happen in a few days or weeks, or it can take years. Regardless, it can be a completely disabling experience in which every disappointment, self doubt, and fear appears magnified. The loss strikes directly at the heart that wants to love what it does. After even one such experience, it's easy to understand why some people won't allow themselves to get too excited about anything and back away from beginning something new. Who wants to risk ending up feeling incompetent and looking like a fool, again?
But the human dilemma is that we are always beginning, always making the choices that create our lives, with or without awareness.
Every time we go conscious, rather than invisible, we recognize the ordinary moments of choice making, and create our lives with intention rather than by accident.
Happy beginnings ... happy spring ... happy, happy everything.
With gratitude,
Laurie Mattila
Good Books
Happy For No Reason:
7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out
by Marci Shimoff, Carol Kline
Free Press, 2008
hardcover, $24.95
If you've spent any time browsing nonfiction books lately, you might have noticed quite a few titles on the shelves with the word happy or happiness featured on the front cover. There are books reporting on the science of happiness, books revealing the habits of already happy people, and books teaching how to become happy or be happier than you are. Below are some of the books I've seen:
100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven
Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman
Choose to Be Happy by Rima Rudner
Choosing Happiness by Stephanie Dorwick
Feel Happy Now! by Michael Neill, Candace Pert
Field Guide to Happiness by Barbara Ann Kipfer
Happier by Tal Ben Shahor
Happiness by David Lykken
Happiness by Matthieu Ricard
Happiness Now! by Robert Holden
How We Choose to Be Happy by Rick Foster, Greg Hicks
Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama
What Happy People Know by Dan Baker, Cameron Stauth
For the record, I've been unhappy and I've been happy, and I definitely prefer happy. But glancing at the list above, I'm reminded of how many expectations there are around being happy. What if you aren't happy now or never really have been? What if you've already tried your best and happiness still escapes you? Is happy better than unhappy? What can we learn about being happy that will deepen our understanding and experience, and move us toward an authenticity and wholeness that includes depression and unhappiness?
I chose to review Happy For No Reason because of the title. Learning about the possibility of being happy—for no reason—struck me as a powerful life tool, especially when I discovered that author Marci Shimoff described herself as “unhappy from the get-go.” Her book was born out of her “own deep longing to be happy.”
In researching the question “Could a person actually be happy for no reason?” Marci Shimoff eventually located and interviewed 100 deeply happy individuals who she refers to as the Happy 100. Regardless of the particulars of their stories, Shimoff observed that these individuals seemed to live free of the Myth of More and the Myth of I'll-Be-Happy-When. Their stories also exhibited several principles at work in their lives: what expands you makes you happier, the universe is out to support you, and what you appreciate, appreciates.
The seven steps mentioned in the subtitle make up the how-to chapters of the book and include: take ownership of your happiness, don't believe everything you think (my favorite), let love lead, make your cells happy, plug yourself into spirit, live a life inspired by purpose, and cultivate nourishing relationships. Each of the steps introduces three happiness habits, all of which are followed by one of the Happy 100 interview stories, and an exercise to do. In her choice of accompanying exercises Shimoff often draws from, and credits, the work of others, so that readers are introduced to many helpful resources they might choose to explore further.
The book begins with an excellent overview of what is already known about happiness. It offers readers inspiration and ideas to try on their own, simple ideas that can significantly influence the way we feel. At the back of the book there is a generous list of resources that includes books, web sites, techniques, and more.
”When you're Happy for No Reason, you bring happiness to your outer experiences rather than trying to extract happiness from them. You don't need to manipulate the world around you to try to make yourself happy. You live from happiness, rather than for happiness.”
-Marci Shimoff
The Happiness Project
Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project will be coming out in late 2009 (HarperCollins). In the meantime, you can check out her blog The Happiness Project and follow along as she reflects on her experiences testing out what works and doesn't work for her. If you want, you can also create your own happiness project and interact with others who have done the same.
The Three “Only” Things:
Tapping the Power of Dreams, Coincidence & Imagination
by Robert Moss
New World Library, 2007
hardcover, $21.95
If you desire to be more awake in life, to expand the limits of your awareness, and to gain a deeper experience of unseen connections, this book is a useful guide. Moss uses stories—from history, his own life, and the lives of people he meets through work and travel—to demonstrate how dreams, coincidence and imagination make their appearance in our lives and how we can tap their power for guidance and healing.
This is not an in-depth how-to book; it's more an introductory overview, but an excellent one. The title comes from reactions the author encounters repeatedly: “It's only a dream.” “It's only a coincidence.” “It's only my imagination.” Instead of minimizing these experiences, Moss teaches how to recognize them and how to extract the messages, direct or indirect, that they contain.
In each of the three parts of the book, there is a chapter devoted to everyday ways to develop the ability to use our own dreams, coincidence and imagination: Everyday Dream Games, Asking the Everyday Oracle, and Building in the Imagination. By taking time to read The Three “Only” Things and apply these three chapters, you will acquaint yourself with simple techniques for using information that is readily available, but frequently overlooked. According to Moss, this underutilized information will help you feel more clear and confident about life.
“Living this way—even for just five minutes of dedicated time each day—we put ourselves in touch with our inner truth. We find our inner compass and get a “second opinion” on vital personal issues in the midst of confusion and conflicting agendas. We open and sustain a dialog with a Self that is wiser than what Yeats called “the daily trivial mind.” We allow ourselves to move effortlessly into creative flow.”
-Robert Moss
Practice Page
“This is a mystical path. You walk on it daily without knowing what will come tomorrow. But you trust, by writing down the daily fragments of awareness, that a larger network will gradually emerge, that images will come forth, a theme or direction may appear, all of which you could never have outlined, but which emerge out of deep necessities within us.”
-from the book
A Walk Between Heaven and Earth
by Burghild Nina Holzer
Here's an idea for you to think about, write about, talk about, wonder about, and try out.
If you've read the Front Page article, After the Leap, you might be thinking, “It's time for me to try something new.” If you're already playing with a few intriguing ideas in your imagination, why not try one out? Or while you're waiting for the right idea to show up and grab you, why not play with the process and see what happens.
Pay Attention to Fragments
It's helpful to remember that not every idea comes to us fully formed. Many appear first as fragments of a larger thing that we're unable to recognize. It's like an archeological dig where a small piece of something interesting surfaces. It takes time and attention to search for additional pieces of the original artifact. Following that comes research to understand how an object was made and used. When the equivalent happens in a person's life, it might begin with the discovery that some fragment matters. It could also begin by sensing an immediate attraction, a natural fit, a burst of enthusiasm, a timing coincidence, a sudden brightness to life. This doesn't mean that you know what to make of it, or that it even makes sense.
An idea doesn't need to make sense, as much as it needs a place to begin: call it an experiment. It needs you to notice, pay attention, move it along, and observe what happens—in the experiment and within yourself.
Beginning Matters
If you don't already have a container in your life where you can collect your fragments, this might be the time to start one. If you've already done this and have too many containers, this might be the time to sort through them to see what you've collected. In her book The Creative Habit, Twyla Tharp explains how she creates a project box to help her focus on each new project. The box is a dedicated container for all the things she runs across that relate to her project. Whenever she finds something, it goes in the box.
A box is one way to begin.
Imagine Desirable Outcomes
As an example, I'll use two of my own fragments of awareness—travel and sabbatical. Next, I imagine desirable outcomes that weave in several other appealing fragments: new places, interesting people, and learning experiences. You can see it doesn't take long before something begins to take shape.
I search for opportunities where I can give and receive.
I travel to places I'm interested in visiting.
I live there longer than I could as a tourist.
I enjoy getting to know people who share my interests.
We work side-by-side on a project that matters to us.
I experience community and cultural events.
I enjoy discovering foods and crafts that are new to me.
Exploring and experimenting revitalizes me and my work.
I practice to develop basic skills in another language.
I encounter more opportunities to combine travel and work.
A working title makes it real
“leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again”
Naming things makes them real, even if the name is a working title that eventually changes. Authors do this with books, artists do this with paintings, cooks do this with recipes, inventors do this with inventions, homeowners do this with improvement projects. Even proposed public projects have official names and popular nicknames. A memorable working title brings its own energy to a project and keeps it alive in your awareness.
Stay Open to What Shows Up
Expect things to show up. Also, expect what you need to show up, sometimes before you know you need it. Many of us begin to pay attention, especially when something is mentioned to us three or more times: a book, a movie, a person's name, a web site, a place, an organization.... Notice the information, offers, or opportunities that catch your attention or come to you. Be curious and investigate; know what's showing up now.
Question Perfection
Consider the possibility that perfection is overrated. It spoils more good things by sucking the joy right out of life. Perfection often surfaces as fear, overworking, procrastination, indecision, and paralysis. You will probably never have all the information to make a perfect decision, so it's important to realize when you have enough information to make a good decision.
Choose to Explore and Trust the Process
Make a good choice and do what you can to explore it. Remember, committing to it comes later. Let go of the things that are out of your control. Focus your energy on moving forward, with the flow, instead of second guessing and doubting yourself. Every process has a life of its own that unfolds according to its own timeline. Fortunately, this allows you the opportunity to discover whether what you desire, desires you.
Now it's your turn to experiment. I've demonstrated and outlined a process to begin, even without a clear idea. Fragments are enough.
Pay attention to the fragments.
Beginning matters.
Imagine desirable outcomes.
A working title makes it real.
Stay open to what shows up.
Question perfection.
Choose to explore and trust the process.
Laurie Mattila
© April 2008
Upcoming Calendar:
Discovery Writing: Creating A FutureSM
Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
For 15 years Discovery Writing has been helping people to hear and trust their own knowing, in order to create a life of their own choosing.
This six-session class uses a simple “listening-writing” process as a way to explore what you truly desire; it is also a path to follow in creating your future.
View the online flyer to learn more about Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
Spring Schedule 2008
Friday mornings ( 10:00 a.m. - 12:00 noon )
April 11, 18, 25 May 2, 9, 16
Fall Schedule 2008
Wednesday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
September 24 October 8, 22 November 5, 19 December 3
Writing Is A Way—Workshop in Northfield, MN on Sunday, April 6
The workshop is full. If you want your name on the waiting list, let me know.
For FORMER Students:
2008 Discovery Writing Weekend Retreat for Women
The annual fall writing retreat is scheduled for the weekend of October 17-19 at StoneyWoods Retreat Center. Please pencil the dates on your calendar if you plan to come. Details will be available in August.
Intentional Living-Meaningful Work SM
For ALL who are Interested:
Intentional Living—Meaningful Work
The idea of living with intention and working with meaning speaks to the heart, soul, and imagination. When I created this class ten years ago and began teaching it through the Compleat Scholar, I had no idea it would grow more relevant with each passing year. This year, for the first time, I will offer the class in the spring and I would love to have you join us.
Description: Poet Mary Oliver asks, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Using this question as a place to begin, you are invited to examine the way you are living and working. Consider other questions too—Is this all there is? What are my true needs? How is my life being consumed? What's worth doing? Grapple with these ideas and more through personal reflection, group discussion, interactive exercises, a little writing, and optional outside reading. The group provides a supportive and stimulating environment that encourages personal responsibility for informed, conscious choice.
Class will be held on the following Wednesday evenings on the St. Paul campus of the University of Minnesota: May 14, 21, 28 and June 4. Preregistration is required.
To register, call the Compleat Scholar office at 612-624-4000 or visit the web site www.cce.umn.edu/scholars. You'll need the six-digit Event ID 181352.
Intentional Living—Meaningful Work ongoing group
September 2008 to May 2009
Here's something to look forward to next fall. I'll begin another nine-month group that will meet once each month from September through May. This group is open to anyone who is interested in exploring “living with intention and working with meaning,” whether or not you've taken the class. Our focus will remain paying attention to our lives and to what we are creating.
The group will meet from September to May on the second Wednesday evening of each month from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at my office in the Midway neighborhood of St. Paul. Look for more details in the August newsletter.
About the Newsletter
This newsletter is created several times a year for my clients
and students, and anyone else interested in listening to and trusting
their own deep knowing. It is designed to support your process of
discovery and growth, and to bring you up-to-date about my practice.
It offers encouragement, guidance and resources for you.
You will find new issues posted on my website in the months of
April, August and December. I hope you add my website to your favorite
places and check back when the next issues are scheduled.
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